what is a friend?

"Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I call you friends" -John 15:15

I've been thinking a lot about friends these days, which is part of the reason I wanted to include that in the name of this blog. I've always been social and had a lot of friends. When I was in high school I had my friends from church, my friends from my neighbourhood, my friends from childhood, and my friends from school. And at school I had my friends from French immersion, my friends who were in English, my popular friends and my not-so-popular friends...etc. I rarely went two days without having some sort of social gathering. Then in Bible college I had my friends from dorms, my friends from the other dorms, my off campus friends and of course my boyfriend (now husband).

Then in 2005 I got married and moved to a city where I had no friends. I had not grown up here, so I had no childhood friends, and I didn't go to school here so I had no friends from school. I relied almost exclusively on church to find friends, and even there, most of the people our age were already Greg's friends. I began to crave personal friendships with girls my age who were like me and I found starting from nothing and trying to make friends was a lot harder in my twenties then it was when I was 7.

Eventually I did make friends with some of the wives of Greg's friends and some of the other girls from church, but conversations and social gatherings consisted of the same topics that were often shallow and non-invasive. As years passed and I became a mom, topics were rarely anything other than motherhood and housekeeping. But still I wanted more in my friends.

The words Jesus spoke in John chapter 15 were ringing loud in my ears. Where are the friends who would "lay down their lives" for one another? Jesus is the true example of friendship. We serve Him as Lord of course, but He wants us to be His friend. To walk closely with Him and be real with Him. He accepts our imperfections and forgives us when we wrong Him. Proverbs 17:17 says that, "A friend loves at all times". I think we all want friends who will love at all times and lay down their lives for us, but to be friends like this we need to be real with one another. We need to get past talking about superficial things all the time and ask one another how we are really doing. And then we can't be afraid to walk with that person if they are not doing well.

Part of my desire for this year is to be a friend who sticks closer than a brother, who lays down her life for others, and loves at all times. Although I don't have longtime childhood friends here, or even close friends from college, God has blessed me with beautiful and amazing women in this season of my life and I want to serve them and practice the biblical principals of friendship for as long as this season should last.

Being friends as adults takes a greater commitment than when we were kids. We don't just see each other at school now or live near one another. We need to make an effort to get together and foster friendships. Greg and I try to open our home a few times each week to meet with people and develop friendships, but it also needs to go beyond that. A good friend of mine had left our church a few years ago and we really had no opportunity to meet each other again unless we made it happen. So we decided that our friendship was worth it and we needed to invest in it. So every few weeks we get together and challenge one another and talk about how we are doing. We are friends because we make it happen and we want to love one another and walk through life together. It may require finding babysitters and sacrificing time at home or time doing other things but she has become so precious to me and I truly thank God for her.