Mat leave

Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing running around like a crazy woman on my Maternity Leave.  Most women look forward to their precious year off and savor all the lazy cozy days on the couch holding babies and baking cookies, but I've chosen to take on some major tasks during this time off and I sometimes regret it.  Since my husband is one of the pastors at our church we spend a lot of time having people over, attending events and planning events.  I decided I wanted to participate more in that and help share the load a bit.  One thing I've started doing is cleaning the church.  This is part of my husbands job, but it always seems to be pushed through his schedule and end up on Saturday evening or afternoon and I really missed having him all to myself on Saturdays, so I volunteered to treck the kids down there along with my rubber gloves and get my hands dirty myself.  I thought it would be better for me to pitch in on a Friday and have a Saturday for the fam than to send Greg out the door literally 7 days a week.  But here I am on my year of leave, scrubbing toilets and floors, mopping, vacuuming and washing....not quite a year "off".

I also opted out of a sedentary Mat leave when I signed up for the half marathon, of course.  I often think of my first Mat leave when I'm running and remember how nobody expects you to get skinny fast or do anything like working out, especially since you're on sleepless nights and you have a sore body.  But here I am again, running farther than I ever have only a few short months postpartum.  When Liam was 5 months old I'm pretty sure I couldn't run to the driveway and back.  I am proud of myself for having these goals and deciding to keep busy and enjoy life instead of using the year to eat baking and sit in the yard.  But sometimes part of me feels like a little more down time this year could go a long way. 

                                                           4 months after Elliot was born

                                             Huge belly a few weeks before Elliot was born
My body has undergone some major changes in the last few months, and I am feeling good and healthier but I just wonder what this Mat leave would be like if I were at home more or sitting around with the kids more.

I spent most of yesterday morning playing with Liam in his room. We made a big bowling score board and played for a few hours while I sipped my coffee and encouraged him. I loved it and remembered all the time I poured into him that first year.  I used the year for him, not for me.  I hope I'm not setting myself up to spend Elliot's year on myself while he sits in the high chair waiting for me to get back from a run or finish my project I took on.  Like I said, I'm glad for the goals and I feel great about them, but the year is already more than 1/3 over and I've been so busy.  I hope this summer I can slow down a bit.  Take the kids on walks to the park, play in the pool with them and let them know that this Maternity leave is more for them than for me.  I just hope it's possible to do that and finish my other goals without total burn out. The best solution would be to incorporate them into some of my agenda and hopefully this summer weather will allow that.  Pulling two kiddos in the wagon to the pool, swimming all day and pulling them home could burn a few calories, right? 

Let the training begin?!

                                           Here I am all bundled up running back in February....ugg. 

Although I've been running since the middle of January it turns out I'm only now ready to start my marathon "training" program.  Most training programs are anywhere from 10-16 weeks long but are designed for people who can run a 5K fairly easily, and I am finally there.  My training thus far has consisted of two "short" runs during the week and a longer one on the weekend and I'm now at the place where my short runs during the week are about 5K or 3 miles and my longer ones about 5 miles or 8K.  Since I can do those without coming home and falling on the floor beat red and ready to die I'm considering myself "ready" to train.

Back in January when I decided this year would be awesome if I commit to this and sign up for it along with Greg, my sister and my brother-in-law, I thought I had so much time to get ready for a race that was not until September but figured that having just had a baby I better start moving because I was so far behind anyone else.  My hips were still large and stretched from birthing my second chunky baby, I was about 40 pounds over a healthy weight, I hadn't done anything physically demanding in the last 12 months or more and even when I had it was never more than maybe 30 minutes on the elliptical.  So it turned out I was starting from a major couch potato state and needed every extra week I had.

Those first runs were BRUTAL.  First of all it was winter and I'm too cheap to buy a gym membership or track pass so I was running outside, in the ice and snow, three times a week.  Secondly, I was so fat that my knees would burn and scream at me after about 1 minute of running.  Thirdly, my running was a slow jog for Greg and lasted little more than a block here and there.

Slowly the pounds are coming off and it's easier on my joints.  The weather got slightly better and most runs were cold, but not scary cold.  I learned how to take smaller strides to save my knees and shins and the importance of warming up.  And now here I am, 3 months in, 16 pounds down, with an average of 3 runs a week and I'm comfortable running 5K and maintaining a good pace! Thank you, Lord.

However, this week I did a little trip off the curb and hurt my ankle so I gave it a good 3 days off and it feels fine.  But during my resting time I've been researching good training tips and have confirmed that training schedules typically begin with 3 miles and build from there...so here we go! The 16 week crunch is on!

Low Cash and No Cash

I hate money.  I hate having it almost as much as I hate not having it.  When I have it, I'm no good with it and before I know it it's gone and I have nothing to show for it.  When I don't have it I seem to need it and think of a million ways I would spend it if I could just get some.  The odd time I've saved and spent my money on something significant and meaningful I've really been proud of myself.  For example, I've recently invested in a great new pair of running shoes that are totally worth it and make my training so much more enjoyable bearable.  I was proud of myself that I used cash, not credit and did a bunch of research to be sure I got the best ones and now I have something to show for that money.  Other times I've gotten some cash and nickle and dimed it away on coffee, gum, a quick bite to eat with a friend and before I know it the money is gone and I have nothing.

Yesterday I was having coffee with a friend who told me she was getting up early to go to an estate sale.  I was so inspired that she takes time to plan her thrift shopping and always finds such great deals on cute things.  I wish I was better at thrift shopping, but I feel like whenever I go to the thrift store there is nothing there that interests me and I just want to get home and wash my hands.  Greg and I used to get so many clothes from Value Village and we thought it was so cool, but now I'm creeped out by wearing clothes someone else was wearing and I especially don't like putting my kids in thrift clothes even though I know there is nothing wrong with them and I should really be more open to it since we are on a pastor's salary and trying to stay debt free. But sometimes I'd rather have one really nice thing than 10 kinda nice used things.  But with garage sale season upon us I'm tempted to give thrifting another try and see if I can't find some good deals.

When my maternity leave started I applied for the "top up " that my employer provides for the first 6 weeks postpartum.  I did all my calculations and figured I was due a check for about $700.  Finally I saw the mail had come from my work and I tore open an envelope to find a check written oh so kindly for 0 dollars and 0 cents.  Thanks for taking the time to write that out and sign it?! Along with the check was a letter saying I owed $17 toward my pension for those first 6 weeks and my other moneys owing were deducted from that check.  I was so annoyed and all the things I had planned to do with the money vanished and along came a period of resentment and frustration.  But it eventually passed and I got over it and life went on as it did before...just without those things I was going to get that, as it turned out, I didn't really need.  

My husband is so great with money that a while ago I handed over my financial burdens to him and let him do the money things.  It was very liberating and I'm so proud of him for saving and always being able to provide for us and budget for us.  I'm not lacking anything and we always have more than enough with him in control.  Once in a while I get a craving for a good hair dye and cut ($120) or a new outfit ($100) or even a nice overnight get-away ($200?)  but with a tight budget it's not always possible, at least not too often.  But that's okay with me and a fun movie night in with homemade pizza can be just as fun as a date night out to a fancy restaurant and a new release theater movie.  The cool thing about not having hoards of money is that we have learned how to be content with money in the bank and without it, so no matter what our circumstances are we know we can get through it and still be content with life.  When some money comes along we're grateful and try to make wise decisions and when it's not around then we remain faithful and remind ourselves that money is just....we'll it's just money. God has always been faithful to provide for us.  Probably more so since being in ministry than before.  Just as I was so relieved to pass all the money burdens and problems over to Greg, we have to continue to pass them all onto God. 

Sleep Habits and Heartaches

First of all, I'd like to give a shout out to my friend, Lindsy for the design of my awesome new blog header. It's clearly much better than my blue words and I'm not talented enough to make something like that. I love how the map kinda symbolizes my journey down these roads of faith, fat, and my friends and family. Sometimes the course is bumpy or unpredictable and sometimes it's through uncharted waters. Thanks again, Lindsy!!

I thought today I'd stray from the topic of fitness and running to talk about something else that has been consuming me these days...sleep, or should I say the lack-thereof. Until recently Elliot he's been a dream baby when it comes to sleep. He was only a few weeks old when he would sleep from 11pm - 8am no problems. However, recently I've been out of town for a ladies retreat and then on a weeks vacation to visit family all over Alberta and Saskatchewan. On both occasions we were sleeping in close proximity to others and I found myself picking Elliot up and soothing him at the slightest whimper. BIG MISTAKE. And I know better, but I really did not want to wake anyone up so here we are a few weeks later and he's up to 2 night wakings at least and a need to be constantly soothed into a deep sleep. Not cool.

I remember when I was so dog tired with Liam and had not slept more than maybe 4 hours at once in 6 months, that I reached out for help and my sister in law recommended a great book called, "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" in which the doctor goes through all sorts of sleep problems with babies and provides solutions. He has a couple suggestions for night wakings depending on your stand on letting babies cry it out, but basically he says the CIO (or cry-it-out) method of sleep training is fast and harmless. I myself know people who do this and I have seen their 3 month old babies cry, be put in the crib and be fast asleep 5 minutes later.

So with Liam we decided to try a semi-CIO version of sleep training where we soothed him until he was drowsy, put him down and if he cried we waited a few minutes to go in there. Then if he still cried we waited even longer and longer until yes, eventually he learned how to self soothe and became a dream sleeper. The other key thing the author of that book says you need is a very early bed time. He says most babies are kept up past their natural tired time until they are so overtired that they can not fall asleep very easily.

Wanting fast results to solve Elliot's new habit of frequent wakings I did more research on the CIO and I gotta say, I'm totally confused. All I can deduct from the readings I've done is that there is basically a spectrum of sleep training techniques, where on one extreme end you have CIO and NO soothing your baby and on the other side you have constant soothing, nursing, feeding and attending to your baby all night at any hour they should choose. Some say that CIO has psychological and neurological damages and causes babies to produce so much Cortisol (stress hormone) that they stop producing Insulin (stress reduction hormone) and that's why some of them throw up. They become unable to calm themselves down again. The reason this solves sleep problems is that they get used to nobody coming to their aide so they fall asleep without bothering to call for you. Good and bad. There is still a need for a baby to feel secure isn't there?

The other extreme is just not a possibility for me. I'm no good on little sleep and my mental health and ability to function the next day would be horrific. Part of me looks at this little one and knows how fast he'll grow and I want to savor the times of soothing and holding him while he is comforted. I want him to know I'm always here and I love him 24 hours a day, not just in the day. But I know I need to find balance between this and CIO.

While praying about it and asking God what is right I really felt him speaking to me. I was reminded that I'm secure in His arms and can call out to him any hour of any day or night. I was reminded that he designed mothers with a need to soothe and be with their babies, and that's why our heart rates go up and we feel stressed when our babies cry for too long or too frantically. I was also reminded that I can look to Him for the strength to get through the days where I was perhaps sleep deprived the night before. That being said, I've spent the last few nights holding Elliot until he's drowsy, going to him if he cries until he is calm again, then putting him back down to sleep alone and I have seen some progress. There is no definite answer to this. Different parents prefer different strategies...I'm just not sure where I fall in it all.

So continues the journey...

Update

I seem to be experiencing a lack of motivation to blog these days, but luckily not a lack of motivation to keep fighting the fat. I know my last post on March 20th was about my desire to do 4 miles and I'm proud to say I've since frequented the 4 mile mark and am now up to 5 miles or 8 Kilometers for my long runs and 3 miles for my short fast runs during the week. I'm so glad I started all this training months in advance and gave myself a good 8 months to train for this because I'm finding my body very slow to adapt and still slow to run. However, I am feeling faster and better than ever. I can now 'easily' do my 3 miles at an 11 minute mile pace maintained the entire time and finish without collapsing on the carpet and waking up with major shin splints. I feel good when I'm done and even after 4 miles I'm able to keep going if I can fight through the fatigue and convince myself it will be worth it in the end. I was telling Greg that only a few short weeks ago I would convince myself to run to the next stop sign or to the end of the block and then take a walking break, and every step it took to get to the stop sign felt like agony and my legs were so heavy. Now I'm able to run a good 3/4 mile before feeling like I might need a little walking break. I am finally feeling encouraged and noticing real progess.

And of course the other half of this journey is the eating part, which I am finding much more complicated than deciding how far to run and doing it. As I mentioned earlier, Greg and I are using an app to calorie count. So every thing we put in our mouths we plug into our app or we look up the calorie content before we pop it in our mouths, but either way, we are sort of slaves to it. But despite what people have warned me about ( and there have been plenty of criticisms thinly veiled as 'warnings') it's working and I'm learning tons. I get a mere 1220 calories to spend in the day in order to lose between 1-2 pounds a week and just the act of looking them up has opened my eyes to healthy ways of consuming my calories. For example, we basically never eat out any more. We don't drink our calories (except in the form of a Starbucks), and we have to stop eating after dinner most days since our calories are spent. I know some people think this is so strict and whatever, but I'm looking for something I can really maintain for the rest of my life. I know I can't look up my foods on my iPhone for the rest of my life, but I can teach myself how many calories are in my foods, how small my portions should be, and how fatty eating out it.

So I have lost 15 pounds since February 28th and Greg has lost 10. We have finally found something we can follow and be in control of. There is no guilt in eating Pizza or Ice Cream...we're just aware that if we eat that, we'll have to eat really healthy for the rest of the day.

The only time the calorie counting doesn't work so well is when I am not in control of the food before me. I noticed there are two different kinds of self control. There is self control where I can control what is made for dinner or what kinds of snacks I make for movie night and that I think I'm getting the hang of. But the second and much harder type is self control when someone offers you food. We recently went to my Grandma's house for Easter and all the pies, fried foods and gravy floating in front of me was too hard to say no to. But hopefully soon I'll learn how to politely turn down food and treats. someday. maybe. or not.